Day 357

1. I haven't posted here in awhile.

2. Last week, I let my husband do a couple of loads of laundry.  I sorted them and told him what settings to use, but PROGRESS (for me, in the whole being-less-OCD department)!  I read somewhere that it's better to have housework done by a five-year-old than not done at all...not that my husband is a 5-year-old, but the principle applies.  Half-assed or incorrectly done housework is better than not-done-at-all housework.

3. Today, we sorted, folded, and put away what seemed like 7 loads of laundry.  It has been sitting on the loveseat for about a week, getting bigger an bigger as the clothes come out of the dryer.  We now have clean underwear, socks, towels, sheets, and clothes for work!  There's still a pile on the back of the couch that needs to be hung up, but it's relatively small.

4. There is actually...wait for it...CARPET in the second bedroom!  Not much, but some.  Meaning that I've gotten the ginormous pile of dirty laundry down to several small piles, with...SPACE between them, so you can actually see the carpet in some places!  HURRAH!

5. I think after a couple more weekends with some time devoted to cleaning, I can actually get this place under control.  Which is IMPORTANT, because my mother AND my mother-in-law are coming to visit in about a month...and I really need the place to be somewhat close to presentable.  Not that they'll judge me or think less of me...this is FOR ME.  I want to be proud of the home I live in, and I want to feel good about showing it to people.  I'm frankly tired of being relieved when no one comes to Monday night dinners, so I don't have to worry about the fact that my house is FILTHY.

6. Oh!  Labor day weekend, I cleaned the master suite.  Closet, bedroom, and bathroom - all Reasonably Clean!  I even mopped the bathroom floor, which I think I MIGHT have done once since we moved in...a year ago...ew.

7. I'm collecting new blogs to read!  I love them!  A Year in Skirts is really cute (she posts pictures of her kiddos, and one of herself in the skirt/dress she's wearing that day).  I LOVE Like Mother, Like Daughter.  LOVE IT.  Auntie Leila is WISE and wonderful.  And a good Catholic, so bonus there.  I'm trying to get a mental grasp on this stay-at-home-mom thing, trying to get ready for what it will be like for me in a few months.  I'm really looking forward to having TIME to clean, time to cook, time to read and learn and grow things...time to live this vocation of wife and mother, instead of the holding pattern I'm in right now.

8. Why I've decided to stay home.  So I have this independent streak.  My father encouraged it.  I like being able to take care of myself, to provide for myself, and (now that I'm married), I like to feel like I have a right to live here, eat food, buy things, and occasionally indulge...and most of the way I feel is based on the fact that I work for a living.  I feel like my salary contributes to the functionality of our household, and I don't feel like a damn mooch.  If I were to quit now, I think I would feel all kinds of guilty...anytime I drove anywhere (gas and tolls!), anytime I wanted to go out to eat (sometimes you just don't feel like cooking), or if I wanted to keep getting my nails done (I really like the way they look, and I don't chew on them anymore, which is really good...).  This is going to be really hard for me - adjusting to not working.  I've been working since I started college, and it's been central to my formation as an adult - central to my identity.  What I'm choosing to give up isn't my identity - it's just a job.  A job I don't really like that much anymore.  And what I'm gaining....is the ability to raise my own kids.  Instead of spending half my salary paying someone else to raise them, plus HUNDREDS of dollars every month in gas and tolls to get to work.  At that point, it's not really even worth it. What I'm gaining - being able to raise my kids - is worth more to me than FEELING like I'm contributing.  Because I CAN contribute to the financial stability of our home when I'm not working outside the home - I just have to re-adjust my thinking and find ways to conserve, to be more frugal.  Perhaps find a method of generating income that doesn't involve leaving home or ignoring my children.  Or stupid internet scams.   I will likely be dealing with this topic (adjusting to the idea of staying home) more in months to come.  But by the time I post here again, it will probably be Christmas already.  Hmph.